A little letter to Savannah on your 1st birthday

16/08/2015

Mummy means savannah365 days have passed since I was sat hospital screaming at the nurses and gave birth to a tiny little human being that completely stole my heart from the moment I first saw, held and kissed her.

365 sleepless nights; but 365 mornings of waking up next to you and feeling truly blessed.

365 days and nights of some pleasant, some painful, some interesting breastfeeding.

365 days of me prioritising your entertainment, sleep, happiness and hunger over me eating, showering and having general hygiene!

360 odd days of rushing round like a loon trying to get us out of the house in under an hour.

And so much has changed. You’re no longer a tiny little baby, you’ve become a little person that wants to talk and laugh and move and play. You have a beautiful soul and make me so proud to be your mummy everyday. A mix of breastfeeding and general hormones have made me so emotional thinking about how quickly this year has gone. I look at how big you are now, and how independent you want to be and wonder where my newborn went. You are a little chatter box and you warm my heart when you say “mum” and look at me, especially after how long it took you!

From the moment I saw your crinkled little face, fingers and toes I loved you. You were so small and dependant upon me and becoming your mummy gave my life a real meaning. We were, and still are, in awe of you and how wonderful you are, and still to this day I can’t believe you are ours! Daddy will always be easily manipulated by you as he can’t be angry with you, and every time you smile he will do what you want; you will have to be a lot, lot bigger to understand that you are the only person capable of doing this to him.

I’ve learnt a lot of lessons about being a mummy, and have changed as a person. I value the small things more and have become a happier, more patient person all thanks to you. I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I would do, like letting you watch television and watching it with you; obsessing over poo and breastfeeding for a year, but I’ve learnt to not plan or obsess over what everyone else tells me and instead to just go with what feels right for us. And daddy is learning everyday too. He knows how to put you to sleep now, and feed you dinner, and how to cheer you up when you’re sad. It’s been a mighty big learning curve for us both, but it’s also been worth every failed attempt to see you happy, or asleep, when we finally get it right!

Every first you do is amazing to us and we are constantly amazed at the new things you learn. Now you can walk and repeat words we say, both of which we will have to be careful with! You love to make mess and try new things and I’m sure you will make me a more adventurous person; I know I’m definitely more active chasing about after you, and can’t imagine what it will be like when you can run! I love it when you dance and shake your bum to Shake It Off or the Money Supermarket advert and you are a never ending supply of laughs and pride for us.

It’s not all been joyous! We’ve had sickness, exhausted mornings, fraught outings and I’ve been very nervous of breaking you or doing something wrong! And when you were first born daddy was to scared to hold you, as you were like a tiny porcelain doll, and he was afraid of damaging you. But you’re still here and you’ve turned out perfectly. You’ve outdone any of our expectations and continue everyday to amaze me and daddy with how clever and curious you are.

I think about the future and dread the teenage years and arguments we will no doubt have, and worry how I will cope if you’re half as hot-headed and as much of a bitch as I was.  I also feel for my mum  thinking about it.   I know I will make mistakes, and I apologise in advance for embarrassing you, but please know I would give my life for you!  You mean the absolute world to me and I would do anything for you.  Anything I do wrong is not to hurt you, and when I shout it will be for your own good.  But I also think about all the great memories we will make and hope that we can be friends as well as mother and daughter.

You make me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time, and I’m so excited to see what the next year has in store for us. You’ve made our little family complete and we couldn’t be happier! You will always have a loving and caring family, and we will tell you everyday how much we love you. I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to be a better mummy to you and it’s the biggest and best commitment I’ve every made!

Happy birthday sweetheart!

 

Xxx

Previous Post Next Post

You may also like

Leave a Reply