This last couple of weeks have been testing to say the least!
I have been very low and finding it difficult to cope with my low moods and Savannah’s never ending energy, and there were times that I’ve just laid in bed with my eyes closed hoping desperately that she would just sleep. I’ve not wanted to go out but have had to make myself so that’s she’s not in the house all day and when I’ve wanted to just sit I’ve read and played until she finally gave in. But to me this is what being a parent is about, putting someone else completely before yourself.
This last week as I have started to try and pick myself up a bit she has gone downhill and within a couple of days she went from her usual bubbly happy self into being a quiet baby with no appetite and who was just unhappy. She started refusing water and food and has been virtually glued to one or both of my boobs at all times. By Saturday night she had a temperature of 39 and was shaking and sweating. Just as we were about to take her to hospital she seemed to calm down and want to play again leading us to naively believe that the masses of Nurofen and Calpol had helped. Then on Sunday she got bad again and fell asleep on me and woke up two hours later with two big old teeth poking out of gums. We presumed that this is why she had been so ill and continued to let her sleep and give her medicine every four hours.
But then Sunday night she got so, so much worse. Her temperature rocketed again and she screamed and screamed in pain, kicking her feat and crying her little heart out. On Monday Ian tried putting her in the bath, her favourite thing in the whole wide world, and she just sat in there unresponsive and shivering. So to the doctors, who within 2 minutes of worried first time parent ramblings diagnosed her with tonsillitis. My poor beans!!
Her mouth is in absolute agony and she has been grabbing and pulling her face and head so much that she has bruised herself and given herself an almighty blister on her lip. She has a bad stomach, hasn’t slept or eaten in three days and has not wanted to leave my side for even 2 minutes. As if this isn’t bad enough for her, every 2 hours we alternate between nurofen and Calpol and every six hours I have to pin her down and force the disgusting orange penicillin down her throat. She cries so much when I do this that I feel awful and very guilty, but I would rather her hate me for a little bit and get better faster.
Seeing her like this I feel so helpless and sad. It’s awful to see anyone suffer, let alone your own little baby. She might be one but she’s still our baby, and it’s hard not to feel useless when you can’t ease her pain.
Today I walked her in her pram for an hour so she could have some sleep, and it was so lovely seeing her finally peaceful for the first time in a week. And the difference it made for the hour or so after was amazing. She woke up happier and wanting to walk and play, which was lovely but even then she is a lot more wobbly on her feet and so I did fret about her falling over her feet every other step. The little sleep also gave me an opportunity to drink hot tea without having to watch Peppa or juggle her on me, little miracles!
Thank God for downloadable Peppa Pig, iPads, sweet tasting baby medicine and my Nan’s ability to have clothes, sheets and towels washed, dried and clean ready to use in 3 hours!